So ESPN announced that Chris Berman will retire at the end of this year.  I guess they were able to pay off the women he sexually harassed and buy him some time.

I think this is a good think because I think he's gonna drop dead any minute and I certainly don't want to see it.  My only question is what will be the cause? 

Will he choke to death on his own saliva?  It sounds like he has rocks in his mouth when he talks.  Will he suffocate?   He gets winded just by talking.  Will it be a heart attack or stoke?

Chris....Dude...Come on...   lay off the must be up to three packs a day.  Your face looks the leather on the couch that my dogs sleep on.  And you gotta be pushing 350lbs.  Remember Nutri-system?  You were on the commercials.

And a haircut certainly wouldn't hurt.